Monday, August 13, 2007

Karl Rove Head at Critical Mass

State department papers uncovered by Turner/Phelps show that Karl Rove, mastermind behind the George Bush ascendancy, is stepping down from his position in the white house because the evil generated within his oversized head is reaching critical mass.

"He hasn't had much of a chance to do a lot of evil over the last six months," one anonymous insider told us, "what with all the Gonzales damage control and surge report spinning he's been doing. So, all the evil in his brain has been just building up."

Scientists agree

Every day that Karl Rove refrains from performing some devious act, avoids conspiring to do some inhuman cruelty, or resists the urge to recommend some nefarious policy, is a another day the evil grows in his brain.

"It's like some hideous flesh and bone Pandora's box," Dr. Hecuva Baibikillur, professor emeritus of ancient evil studies at Liberty University, shared with us. "The evil in his brain is of the purest variety. And if it isn't released, like a pressure valve on some diabolical steam engine, it will grow and expand, feeding on itself until one day, boom, the head explodes and the evil forces within flood the world."

Based on visual measurements of Rove's cranium, Dr. Baibikillur estimates that Rove has less than five weeks before reaching critical mass. "Thus, the August 31st date for his resignation. He's not going to spend more time with his wife and son. He needs, and we all need him to, get out of the white house atmosphere that's stifling his deviousness and return to his routine of daily iniquity. Frequent, small acts of pressure-realeasing injustice in the private sector will save us all from a cataclysmic, even apocalyptic event, that could destroy the world as we know it."


Blogger Turner said...

Awesome. How did I miss this the first time 'round? In order for Rove to have higher than 100% of his brain driven by evil, the good thoughts he occassionally has (e.g., maybe I shouldn't have accused that retarded kid at Taco Bell of being a cut and run commie when he dropped that tray of delicious Crunch Wraps on my scabby head) actually have to cause brain loss. It makes so much sense.

9:46 PM  

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