Wednesday, June 09, 2004

An Inarticulate Monkey Meets with Group of Eight

Likely Oval Office dialogue:
Dick Cheney: Do you feel prepared for your G8 meeting?
George W. Bush: One thing, how do you spell G8?
DC: It’s G... eight...?
GWB: Like, with a J, I’ve got it down as J-E-E-Y-A-T-E, but it might have a silent g-h in it, J-E-Y-E-I-G-H-T.
DC: It’s G and 8. It stands for Group of Eight.
GWB: Is that a boy band, like N’Sync? I like them.
DC: It’s Canada, Britain, Russia, France, Germany, Italy and Japan and the US.
GWB: That sounds like a lot of people.
DC: Not the entire country, representatives from each of those countries. The big eight economic powers.
GWB: Why is Canada on the list?
DC: No one knows.
GWB: Do I have to talk to the Frenchies?
DC: Yep.
GWB: They’re mean-O. And they smell funny. I don’t like to talk to them. And the Japanese, they talk all “ching ching, clang clang clang,” can’t understand a word..
DC: Look, I can’t be there with you, so you’ll have to be a big boy, and play nice with the others. OK?
GWB: Yes sir.
DC: Condi’s going to read you my memo, try to pay attention.
GWB: Are there pictures?
DC: No pictures. Just go there and pitch U.N. help in Iraq.
GWB: How do you spell U.N.? I’ve got Y-O-U-I-N-N, but that’s another word for pee pee isn’t it?

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