Is Phelps a Sodomite?

Depends on your point of view, I guess.

Seems that Anonymous (see Nativity comments) thinks I like to do it doggie style, or whatever qualifies these days as sodomy. I personally prefer to think of myself as a Gomorrahn. It never quite gets the credit it should, always being overshadowed by its sister city, Sodom, but I'm certain that somewhere in the annals of biblical history, they did much worse to warrant God's wrath in Gomorrah than just wanting to get to know strangers.

And when you're called a sodomite, does it mean you're a homosexual, a rapist, or just a really inhospitable host?

I'm not even sure if the state I live in has any sodomy laws on the books still. But take a look at this from the ACLU. In Virginia, you can serve up to 5 years in prison for committing "sodomy" with someone of the opposite sex! That might mean oral sex between a husband and a wife (depending on what they define as sodomy). Does it apply to politicians and their interns, though? Watch out, senator.

Eat the baby Jesus!

No one wants to eat the baby Jesus. It's true.

This Christmas a co-worker gave me a wonderful chocolate nativity scene, complete with dark chocolate manger and white chocolate Joseph, Mary, swaddled infant Lord, and beatific onlooker lamb.

Whenever we have Christian guests over I always offer them the baby Jesus, but no one bites. I don't know why, since they eat his flesh every Sunday with some wine. Why not as a snack on a Friday night? Call it superstition or a sense of the inappropriate, but I can't either. I admit it. I can't even make myself eat the virgin Mary. I suppose I could eat the lamb or take a bite out of the manger, but that would ruin the aesthetic balance of the diorama.

Some people have suggested applying the Rules of Lent to the chocolate nativity, swearing off the divine candy early, then celebrating the resurrection by gobbling up the baby Jesus on Easter Sunday. I just might do it. If anything, maybe only Joseph will lose his head between now and then. And I might have some lamb, as well.

Robertson Suffers from Diarrhea of the Mouth (Still)

Brave Hero Miner to be Courted by Networks, Publishers

MORGANTOWN, W.Va. (AP) - Mining disaster survivor Randal McCloy Jr. has been responding to stimuli, but has developed a slight fever and remains in critical condition, doctors said Monday.

If this guy survives the ordeal (and don't get me wrong, I hope he does) they're going to make so much more out of it than he deserves. The networks are going to want his story, books will be written, politicians will line up for photos. I can see the marketing blitz already, jockeying for the best titles:

• Courage in the Darkness - The Randy McCloy Story
• Bravery Down Below. How I Survived - Randy McCloy's Journey to the Brink
• Jesus Held My Hand - A Story of Faith and Redemption
• Deadly Coal! - Surviving the Sago Mine

Bright, White, Hollywood Smiles

Abramoff Cops a Deal, Tastes Sweet Nectar of Finger Pointing

Dirty Republicans and unscrupulous Democrats alike are about to feel the lethal sting of a corrupt lobbyist scorned.

Today's guilty plea by Jack Abramoff will reverberate throughout the beltway, as his bargain with the justice department is sure to expose the rancid underbelly of the rotting corpse that is our legislative system. The Whitehouse and Republicans are already backpedalling as fast as they can by giving back election donations from Abramoff, just to keep from falling off the precipice of association.

In entertainment news, Mr. Abramoff is being courted by the major networks to host his own show (when he gets released from prison, a-la Martha Sewart). The new show will be a reworking of the classic Monty Hall landmark, Let's Make a Deal. It will be called Let's Fake a Deal, and the premise will be for the studio audience, dressed as either cruiseline executives, Native Americans, or greedy politicians, to either accept or reject seemingly-outrageous offers by host Abramoff.

Will they win the favors and votes of their district's senator, or end up with the goat Jay's holding behind door number three?