Soylent Blue
Our resident ultra-conservative gun-toting Republican, The God of Thunder (TGoT) reports from the road that he has solved the problems of America's hungry, homeless, and liberal.
Feed them to rich Republicans.
TGoT and the Son of TGoT recently came to this conclusion while driving across many "Blue" states (those that voted for the Democratic ticket in the last presidential election).
Funny how this particular map (from Wikipedia) has the colors reversed from the scheme used by the network news media.
"All that prime real estate is wasted on the homeless, the hungry, and liberals," TGoT said between bites of the tuna sandwich I fed him while he was staying at my home during his journey. "We should kill them, make them into Soylent Blue, and feed them to the rich Republicans."
In a fleeting moment of ironic destiny I considered crushing his skull right there, grinding him into a fine brown paste, baking him into crispy seasoned squares, and feeding him to the homeless guy on the corner of 6th Street and MLK Blvd, who calls me "Cap'n Howdy" and offers to read my future on his Ouija Board for the mere donation of a sawbuck.
I restrained myself. But did decide to scoop him on the public announcement, after he asked me to wait until he could post his "final solution" on his website. Sorry, TGoT, but the truth cannot wait for any man or god.
posted by Phelps on Monday, July 19, 2004
2 Comments:
I plead the 2nd amendment. Lock and load.
When you do grind him into a fine brown paste, could I purchase from you several ounces of said paste? Dude, like, you could get soooo wasted off smoking that. Have you heard the kind of music he listens to? I listened to some of it, and three days later ended up stranded in a barrio in northern Canada speaking only French. Merde!
Smoking brown TGoT paste is only the beginning. You really need heat it up with some Captain Morgans and then shoot it to get the full rush. It was weird, after I free-based the gooey brown TGoT juice, I had a total hallucination about arguing with my best friend, a green piggy who is a card-carrying member of the NRA, about why I think creation science shouldn't be tought in schools and yet, I'm still a Republican. Whoa, coming off that high was a rush, man.
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