Let's Go To Bed

In a recent Variety article on the planned Marlene Dietrich star vehicle for Gwyneth Paltrow, Dietrich's grandson Peter Riva was quoted us saying about his grandmother:

"When she realized that age caught up to her at 76, she made sure that she did not undermine her memory by being seen getting old. She stayed in bed for her final 11 years."

That's over 12% of her entire life. That would be like me spending my entire college years in bed (which is arguably a better use of the time than I made of it).

I think a lot of people could learn from her example. So here's a list of people I'd like to send to bed for the rest of their lives because they've already moved passed their freshness date (you know, so they "don't undermine their memory" or in laymen terms, "stop embarrassing themselves"):

* Joan Rivers and her defective DNA replicant
* Robert Plant
* The fat old femme guy on Trading Spaces
* 40 somethings who still play air guitar
* 30 somethings who still dance the running man
* 20 somethings who talk like eminem
* Bill Walton
* Men with dyed hair
* Hall and especially Oates
* MTV
* Quebec
* The British Royal Family
* Simon Le Bon