Nosferatu Alan Colmes Wants to Eat Your Spleen!

Last night, channel surfing in my hotel room, I came across Fox News' Hannity & Colmes and was shocked to see evidence that Alan Colmes is undead. Or at least his makeup artist, Gerta Schmeeringbase (local 446) wants us to believe he's undead. Why else would she have done such a God-awful job with his foundation?

I'm serious, he looked like a week-old, gray cupcake with a thick layer of orange icing. It was hideous. What's worse, he was sitting RIGHT NEXT TO Sean Hannity, and Sean's makeup was perfect!

Maybe Mr. Colmes is actually nosferatu; a soulless flesh-walker who hides in the Fox News basement during the day (eating rats and the odd, lost mailroom employee he catches down there, my precious) and crawls up to the fourth floor at night to endure the bright lights and gothic teleprompters as payment for his sanctuary. What other reason would a self-respecting liberal have to actually collect a paycheck from Rupert Murdoch?

(Photo: Though a file image I touched up in Photoshop, the photo at right is a close approximation to how bad Alan's makeup was applied.)