Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Far Out Space Nuts

T/P Astromate of the Month:

"Commander Shuttle Thruster"

Bill (Old Spice) Oefelein Height: 6'2"

Weight: 185 lbs

Distinguishing physicality: swarthy, rugged good looks; bench presses 320 lbs (12 reps before breakfast); washboard stomach; tattoo of pirate teddy bear just below and to the right of belly button (in the "danger zone"); always smells like "Old Spice".

Personality traits: serious in flight, but playful on the launch pad; one of the boys, but always a gentleman to the ladies; teaches Native American orphans leather crafts and archery on the weekends.

Turn ons: Candlelight dinners, racing motorcycles, nude free-form rock climbing, married female astronauts.

Turn offs: Islamist terrorists, global warming, the black market ivory trade, crazy married female astronauts who wear diapers and kidnap my girlfriends.


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