Iran: Voldemort not a Murderer

JK Rowling fans throughout the West raised an uproar this week after a conference on the existence of dark wizards held in Tehran, Iran, claimed that Lord Voldemort did not murder James and Lily Potter. According to presenters at the conference, the much-maligned Voldemort is the victim "of rampant historical revisionism on the part of Harry Potter and his cronies." And that the world's acceptance of this "myth" would allow Potter and his alleged "good" wizards to unfairly dominate dark wizards all around the world.

The theme of the conference sited that this trend of practicing hegemony over dark wizards, who are already in the minority due to their xenophobic need to only interbreed with other "pure blood" wizards, has been growing steadily ever since Harry Potter began planting the seeds of historical doubt when he turned eleven and entered parochial school.

David Duke, a grand wizard himself and a presenter at the conference, asserted that Lord Voldemort was little more than a face on the back of a mediocre wizard's head, and couldn't have murdered the Potters because he didn't have hands necessary to use a wand.