Reality Sues

Variety reports that David E. Kelley (The Practice) is threatening to inflict a lawyer-based reality TV show onto the viewing public. Please, will someone call in our top FBI hostage negotiators before that happens? Who is more obnoxious than a bunch of random publicity-hounds voting each other off an island? Try a bunch of ambulance chasers fighting over their paralegal pool. What's grosser than watching contestants eat pig intestines? How about rich lawyers ripping each other off to make even more moola by whining on TV? What's a greater tragedy than The Donald's renegade mop-top? Real victims agreeing to binding arbitration outside of an actual court room for the resolution of their civil actions.

And I thought The Swan was our cultural nadir. Where do we go from here? Here are some free ideas, programming directors:

* Flaming Circus Train Wrecks
* American Orphan
* How Much for Your Kidney?
* It All Tastes Like Chicken
* Poop!
* Death by Bongo Bongo
* Baby Seal Hunters
* A Very Bolten Christmas

Showing his genius at positive spin, Kelley described the show as, "my worst nightmare," and promised a real possibility to stink up the airwaves in failure:

"The nutshell version is, it represents my worst nightmare," Kelley quipped during an interview Tuesday. "In writing 'The Practice,' I've always worried someone would come along to do this kind of storytelling but with real cases and real lawyers."

...

"In success we should be as enlightening as we are entertaining," Kelley added. "In failure, we'll stink."

Well said.